Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

“Astoria.” My breath caught in my throat, I could hardly believe my eyes. Having just walked into my apartment from work–a normal boring, hot August day in Salt Lake City–I’d tossed my mail on the counter thinking it was all junk. After grabbing a quick glass of cold water, I’d picked it up to throw it in the garbage when I saw the return address on one of them, causing my heart to beat rapidly.

Letting the other letters slip back to the counter, I sat on the nearby stool suddenly shaky and weak. It wasn’t December--which was the only time I’d seen that address for the past three years--and for some reason that brought panic. Why were they writing me? What news did they need to share?

“Astoria.” I whispered the word, lightly running my hand over the thick cream colored envelope. The mere word was bringing back images, memories, smells and sounds that I had long ago forgotten.

Suddenly long hidden memories were flowing back, reminding me of lush green forest, foggy beaches and baked Blackberry pie. Funny how it never triggered this response in December. When I’d see their card, I’d open it, read it, stick it up with the others and promptly put it out of my mind. I’d never spent Christmas there, after all. Only summers. Cool, lush, green summers, I reminded myself, looking out the sliding glass doors of my apartment at the heat waves coming off the pavement below.

I licked my dry lips, turning the envelope over to slide a nail under the flap and tear it open. “Dearest Angie,” I read silently. “We realized this year how long it’s been since we’ve seen you, and how long it’s been since we’ve talked. We’ve been thinking of you so much lately, we insist you come visit us this summer. You’ve been hiding yourself away in Utah for too long. Please come see us.”

I couldn’t believe it! I closed my eyes and the thoughts that had only teased me a moment before rushed back through with full force. The salty sea air coming in off the river, the barges moving past the docks, the chancy rain showers. How I had missed it! And here was a chance to go back.

Opening my eyes, my vision landed on the photo of my parents. I stood slowly, walking over to run a finger along the edge of the soft wood frame. What would it be like to go back without them? Would they linger everywhere I looked? I didn’t know if I could bear the echoes of their voices and laughter... Sighing, I glanced at the letter before looking out the window at the dry parking lot with wilting trees, dying grass and radiating heat.

“Astoria.” I whispered, suddenly feeling tears fill my eyes. I was glad no one could see me. I had no idea why I was crying! But, I knew I was going. It was like the answer to every prayer I had uttered since I was 19.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Two days later I was driving down the Columbia River Highway. It was so wonderful! It was a beautiful bright summer day and I rejoiced in having left dry hot behind in Utah. I felt like a sponge, soaking up the humidity and lush green scenery along the road.

It was amazing how easy it had been to get vacation time. I hadn’t taken any time off for over a year and my job wasn’t a real demanding one. So, I had called the Palmers the night before, informing them I was coming. They had been thrilled! I was surprised at how much they wanted to see me. It made me begin to think I really wasn’t alone in the world.

They had wanted to meet my plane, but I’d explained I was going to rent a car. I wanted to relax and soak up all the Oregon I could. I had never driven the way myself before, but that wasn’t going to stop me. I knew how to read a map, and just how difficult could it be? All you had to do was get on the Columbia River Gorge Highway and point the car west.

While I drove, my muscles started relaxing and it seemed the first time in a long time I felt completely carefree. It was as if a great weight had been taken off my shoulders. It was hard to keep my gaze from going to the river, but I knew I’d crash if I didn’t watch it.

I reached Multnomah Falls and just had to stop for a moment at my favorite place. I had to drink in the beauty after being away so long.

Realizing how much I had missed it all, I grabbed my camera and walked over to the railing where I could get a perfect shot of the falls with the bridge in front. The moment seemed to freeze in time--The spray coming up off the falls and all the lush green ferns and bushes. I closed the shutter quickly before leaning against the rail and closing my eyes. All I could hear was the roar of the falls, the birds calling to each other, and I soaked up every blissful sound.

Then my conscious got the better of me, reminding the Palmers were expecting me in a certain time frame. I sighed, turning to look at the falls once more. The only saving factor was the knowledge I would be coming back later. I smiled and got back into my rented Honda, heading toward Astoria again.

About an hour or so later I was nearing the eastern entrance to the city when the car made a strange sound and the steering wheel jerked in my hands. I bit my lip, my pulse racing, and managed to pull the car over to the side of the road. I turned off the motor and got out to survey the damage.

“Oh great,” I muttered to myself as I spotted the culprit. “A flat.” I put my hands on my hips and looked around to see where I was. I was still outside of Astoria by a couple of miles, and I realized it was going to be a bit of a walk to find help.

Chuckling, I reached in for my purse and locked the car. What a way to start off a vacation! I walked down the lovely shaded road, humming to myself. It felt good to be out of the car, actually. I hadn’t taken a break except for the falls and my legs felt stiff.

I let the calmness of the scenery sink in as I walked--it really was a lovely day. It was just so nice to be back in Oregon, it didn’t matter I had to walk a couple of miles. It was too wonderful of a day and too gorgeous surroundings.

After a while I rounded a corner in the road, coming upon a large brick walled area with security guards and a huge metal gate. Along both sides were the words Monticello Young Men Academy - Oregon in thick, shinny brass letters. Despite the nice walk I had been having, I was relieved. As I walked up to the security booth, the young man inside smiled at me. Stepping out, he touched his hat in a quick salute.

“Hello, Ma’am,” he said, his voice deep. “What can I do for you?”

“Well,” I smiled, suddenly feeling embarrassed at the situation, “I have a flat tire down the road and I was wondering if I could use your telephone.”

His smile turned into a grin. “Well ma’am, you came to the right place. I’m sure we can help you. There’s probably quite a few guys who’d volunteer to change your tire.”

“Lot’s, huh?” Knowing it was the statement of an all boy facility, I shook my head at the grinning young man. “I just need to use your phone, if that’s okay. It’s a rental car and I want to find out what they want me to do.”

“Sure thing.” Turning, he pointed to the imposing red brick building behind him. “Go right in there to the front desk. They’ll be able to help you.”

“Thanks.” I started off towards the building, wondering what I would find. The complex looked similar to the few other private schools I’d seen - barring the large brick wall. Going up the wide steps and inside the double doors I found that inside it was quiet and very impressive.

Everything was either polished wood or brass with large tinted windows and marble columns, dominated by a large crest in the middle of the entryway floor. To my left was a sitting area with plush leather couches surrounding a rock fireplace. To my right appeared the reception desk as described by the guard. I walked up, finding a nice looking older woman there.

“May I help you?” She asked with a welcoming smile.

“Hello,” I smiled back, really feeling silly now about the whole thing. I licked my suddenly dry lips, and glanced around at the empty lounge/reception area. I felt a little intimidated by the place--it was so quiet and reserved. Oh well. “I was told by the guard outside that I could use your telephone? I have a flat tire down the road on my rental car.”

“Of course!” She smiled sympathetically and raised her hand to point back to where the couches were. “There’s one right over there on the table. Just dial 9.”

“Thanks.” Going back to the little lounge area, I got out my rental agreement. Fortunately there was no problem contacting them, and I was just hanging up when I realized the background noise had grown and some kind of commotion was going on behind me.

I stood up, turning around to see several young men in tan pants, burgundy button up shirts and short dark ties milling around a young man standing in the middle. His young face looked like he’d been in a fight and gotten the raw end of it. All the boys were shouting - some of them pushing at him - and the receptionist was trying to get them to calm down. I heard her voice quavering as she tried to exude authority and persuasion at the same time, trying to get the boys to tell her what the problem was.

Obviously it wasn’t working, and I debated offering my help. What in the world could I do? Should I even interfere when it wasn’t any of my business?

Sighing, I pulled my purse strap back over my shoulder and took a deep breath to steady my suddenly shaking nerves. Heavens, they’re just teenagers, I reminded myself. It only helped a little and biting my lip, I walked over to her desk, having to pass the young men to do so.

Suddenly all the shouting stopped. There was silence for a moment before a couple of them whistled. I smiled a little weakly at them and wished I had thought of something else, like sneaking back out the large front doors when no one was looking.

“Well, well,” one of the young men said, eyeing me with a leer. “Look what just dropped in, guys.”

I groaned inwardly, ignoring him. I have no illusions about my looks--I know I’m not ugly, but I also know I’m no beauty. I figured there must not be a lot of women at the facility.

“She’s a looker.”

“Maybe she’s a new teacher...” was a wistful comment.

“I’d take that class.” A couple of them elbowed each other and I felt the beginnings of a blush working its way up my neck.

“What are you doing here, beautiful?” a deep voice from among them tried to catch my attention as I finally reached the reception desk.

I realized with some relief that they had calmed down, and the receptionist was smiling gratefully at me. I turned, putting the firm counter at my back, observing that the beaten boy in the middle seemed to relax a little, looking at me as well. His face was a mess! I almost gasped out loud.

“Well,” I coughed to clear my throat, managing to find my voice. “I’m just in a little bit of trouble, boys.” Trying to keep my voice light, I pretended there was nothing out of the ordinary going on. Only, how do you pretend you don’t see someone that has blood dripping from a cut above his eye and obvious swelling going on around his mouth and chin?

I took a deep breath, fixing my smile on. I could do this. “I have a flat tire a little way down the road and the guard out front tells me he’s sure lots of guys here would help me change it.” I put my hands on my hips, tilting my head to one side--hoping to make them think I was totally at ease with their attention, something I’d seen a roommate do. “Now, that sounds like he’s trying to pull some kind of Polish joke on me. It doesn’t take too many guys to change a tire on my little Honda unless you’re planning to pick it up!”

As they all laughed, I realized even the receptionist seemed relieved that I had intervened. I sighed, realizing I must have learned more than I’d thought from that long departed roommate.

“Well, I’m sure we can help the lady,” one of the boys stepped forward, flexing his large biceps that seemed to strain the sleeves of his shirt. “Even if we do have to pick up the car.”

They laughed again at that and one of his pals punched him in the arm. “Yeah, that’s your favorite thing, JJ,” he said. “Helping out the ladies.”

“Helping them into his bed is more like it,” the kid in the middle muttered between swollen lips, causing them all to chuckle appreciatively.

I wasn’t sure if he was warning me or joining in the ribbing, but I took the hint. “Now then, boys,” I said, definitely ready to get out of there. “Who wants to help me out? I only need one or two of you.” Actually, I wasn’t sure I wanted help from any of them--the way they were all poking each other and leering at me, but I didn’t know how to get out of it now.

“Hi guys, what’s going on?” A deep voice from behind me cut into the chatter and laughter among the boys. “Hey Dave,” the voice seemed to take on a steel quality, although still trying to convey nonchalance--and I realized he was speaking to the poor beat up kid in the middle. “What happened to you? You look like you ran into a brick wall.”

“More like a brick wall landed on him,” someone chuckled cruelly in the back.

Finally, the man stepped into my range of vision--the owner of this rich deep voice which seemed to vibrate inside of me. Tanned, tall, broad shouldered, and light haired, he held my interest has none had for a while. He had a strong presence and seemed to be quite at ease in his dress slacks and button up shirt. His tie was just a little loose, causing me to grin. How men hate their ties! I glanced away, trying to hide my grin and caught a look of pure relief coming from Dave, the kid with the face.

What ever had been going on, he had been in serious trouble. My earlier nervousness returned, and I became anxious to be out of there. I was surprised to find this kind of tension and confrontation in a setting that had only moments ago been quiet and hushed. I slowly inched toward the end of the counter as the deep voiced man came stepped closer to the group.

“Hey Mr. Palmer,” one of them said lamely.

At the name Palmer I gasped and turned again, trying to get a closer look. Palmer? Was he a relative I didn’t know about? I didn’t recognize him–-although, I reminded myself, watching as the boys warily backed up from his approach--I hadn’t seen any of them in at least three or four years.

“Hey, Bill,” Mr. Palmer greeted another student, his voice relaying something I couldn’t quite catch. The rest of the young men did though, and they shrugged, glancing around at each other as the atmosphere lightened a bit. However, it was apparent this problem was not going to blow over and be forgotten.

I bit my lip as Dave nodded his head toward me. No, not me! “The lady seems to have a flat tire down the road and was looking for some help.” How he managed to get any words out of those swollen lips, I had no idea, but suddenly I realized the teacher was now looking at me.

As he looked at me, I met his prepared expression with one of my own--only to find myself gazing into the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. The kind of blue that you see when the sun is setting and one edge of sky is dark and the other is gold and pink--in between is this blue that caught my breath.

“Angela?” I heard him utter in surprise. “Angela, is that you?” He seemed stunned.

It occurred to me in that moment of breathlessness that he was indeed related to the Palmers--who else would know my name? “Yes,” I said slowly, still trying to catch my breath. “I’m Angela. Who are you?” I had known this person before and not remembered him? That wouldn’t be possible! He wasn’t someone you could forget.

“Sean, Sean Palmer.” Suddenly he smiled, making those blue eyes sparkle. “Don’t worry,” he chuckled at my obvious confusion. “You haven’t met me. At least not for over 10 years.”

“Oh.” I felt ridiculous, standing in the middle of a croud of young men in a large reception area, having this conversation. I hadn’t seen him for 10 years? How could I have forgotten him? “I’m sorry I don’t remember you.”

“That’s okay,” he shrugged. “My parents have lots of pictures of you and your parents. I guess I have the advantage.”

He then seemed to realize where we were standing as well, and rolled his eyes. Was he was blushing? I felt the familiar heat going up my own cheeks as the kids started laughing and elbowing each other. I sighed, wishing there was a way to control it, but there never was.

“Okay guys,” Sean turned to face the boys standing behind him after a quick wink at me. “Who wants to help out our friend here?”

They all wanted to volunteer, of course, raising their arms and calling out their abilities. Amazingly, Sean picked Dave and one other kid named Brian to help. Didn’t Dave need stay and see a doctor?

“C’mon, we’ll go in my car. No reason for us to walk back and forth.” I felt him grab my elbow, a little startled still by what was happening, and propel me forward. “You guys all get back to where you’re supposed to be,” he said over his shoulder, and I looked at him questioningly as his voice had gone hard. He ignored me, and marched us through the doors--Dave and Brian following behind.

“Are you very far away?” he asked, glancing at me.

I shook my head. That hard tone in his voice had woke me up to the fact I knew nothing about this man-–gorgeous or no--and he was taking me out to his car! So what if he recognized me and knew my name, what was I to think about a man who could control teenagers with a voice of iron?

He led us to a black Toyota 4Runner, silently opening the passenger door for me before seeing to the back one for Dave and Brian. He moved quickly, as if he was anxious to get off the school grounds, and started the car – still without saying a word. The minute we were past the security guard at the gate, his handsome face turned grim.

“How are you, Dave?” he asked bluntly. “Do you need to go to the ER?”

“I’m not sure,” came the low reply from the back. “I’m not feeling too great, but it’s mostly bruises, I think.” He sighed and I glanced back at him worriedly.

“We could go to the hospital first if we need to...Sean,” I ventured hesitantly. “I’m more concerned about Dave. It’s not that crucial to change the tire.”

He turned to smile at me, the effect making his whole face lighten up. “I think we’ll be okay. I don’t want mom and dad to be worrying about you.”

I smiled at the mention of his parents, my heart beginning to warm at his concern. “Okay.”

He glanced up at the rearview mirror so he could see Dave. “What was that all about back there?”

Dave managed a shrug, but Brian–who appeared nervous just to be in the car with us--glanced at me, bit his lip, as if deciding something.

“They were blaming him, sir,” he finally blurted out, his hands twisting together. I decided he was really nervous about being with Sean and perhaps Dave. “There was another drug search.”

Sean glanced at Dave again. “They decided you had finked?”

Dave nodded, moving his head gingerly. “Yeah...again. It always falls on me.”

I looked out the window, remembering what we were in the car for in the first place, and spotted the Honda.

“There it is,” I said, pointing so Sean could stop.

He nodded and the car fell silent as we pulled up behind the little car and climbed out. Brian went to inspect the tire and Sean came over to get the keys from me. As he was opening the trunk, Dave clambered out, coming to stand by me.

“I want to thank you for trying to help back there,” he said, his voice gruff.

I looked at him surprised. “I thought I was doing a good job of acting.” Going back over the events in my mind, I had to chuckle. “I think playing the flirt comes too easy for me. I’ve never tried it before.”

He smiled crookedly, making me wince in sympathy over his split lip. “You did great. I - I saw your look when you realized they were harassing me. I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome,” I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable with the conversation, I hadn’t expected any thanks. “I’m sure the receptionist had already sent for help and it would have been there any minute.”

“Maybe,” he acknowledged with a shrug and looked away, but the expression on his face told me he doubted it. After a moment he glanced back at me, licking his raw lip hesitantly. “I just want you to know I owe you one.” He turned and went to join Sean and Brian--attempting to help with the tire.

Watching him go, I was amazed. I vaguely heard Sean tell him to get back in the car, but I’m sure my chin was touching the ground. That was the most unusual encounter I had ever had. I was sure his announcement didn’t mean much--I wouldn’t be seeing him again anyway. It was interesting to me that he would feel that way. Most of the kids I’d known would have been angry and or embarrassed, claiming they hadn’t needed any help.

I’d never had anyone say they owed me one before. It was an interesting feeling. It concerned me a little that he hadn't thought help would come from the receptionist, but then perhaps he wasn't on good terms with the staff. Who knew.

In a few minutes the spare tire was on and they were putting the flat in the trunk. Sean came over and I smiled at him, wondering where he had been all those years.

He came to a stop next to me, biting his bottom lip, hands in his pockets, obviously uneasy about something.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, wanting to chuckle at the ‘little boy’ look.

“Angela,” he reached over, turning me a little away from his car so the boys couldn’t hear us. “Do you think you could avoid telling my parents about what happened? Not about the car, I mean about the fight.”

“Oh,” I looked at him surprised. “Sure. No problem. May I ask why?”

He shrugged, watching Brian tease Dave who mumbled back as they loaded the jack back into the 4runner. “They aren’t comfortable with my working at the Academy. They think I could do more good if I was working at Astoria High or something.”

“Oh.” Suddenly I felt as if I had forgotten most of the English language. Sighing in frustration at my reaction, I looked down at my feet, trying to have logical thoughts about his parents and the situation. This was going to be the pits of a vacation if I couldn’t talk the whole time. Why was I was so tongue-tied with Sean? Just because he was the handsome man I’d seen in a long time?

The boys ambled over, Brian handing me the keys. “Here you go, Miss, it’s all ready.”

“Thanks guy’s, I really appreciate it,” I assured them, smiling to let them know I meant it.

They both grinned, Dave wincing as he did so, causing Brian to roll his eyes. “Come on, Dave, let’s get in the car.” Grabbing his arm he pushed him toward the car and I glanced up at Sean who was looking at me strangely--almost wistfully.

“Thanks for all your help,” I said, feeling rather foolish as I put out my hand. No one seems to shake hands anymore, but it was something instilled in me by my parents. He smiled suddenly, as if I’d offered him a million dollars.

“You’re very welcome, Angel.” His voice was husky, and it did strange things to my insides as did his touch. His hand was warm and firm and held mine as if to keep me safe-–strange it would make me think that.

And the way he shortened my name! I blushed, thinking the way he said it made it like a caress. I looked at his face, startled by my reaction to him. His eyes grabbed my attention--they were a deeper blue, richer--and I thought inanely that if there were water that color anywhere, I’d drown willingly.

“Hey, Mr. Palmer, let’s get goin’!” Brian’s shout from the car startled me, making me jump and let go of Sean’s hand. For a moment he seemed disoriented, then he shook his head. He frowned briefly, glancing back at his car.

“Coming, guys.” He looked back at me, other concerns now making his expression somber. “I need to get Dave to the hospital.” He ran a hand around the back of his neck, shifting a little – almost like he was reluctant to leave. “Angel, do you remember how to get to my parents house?”

I smiled at his concern, the warmth in his eyes making my stomach twist in unfamiliar knots. “I’m not sure, but I brought your address. Is it hard to find?”

He gave a lopsided grin, standing a little taller. “No, it’s not. You’ll be fine.” He turned and headed for his car and the minute those eyes left mine, it was as if I was suddenly alone--bereft. I couldn’t help it, I had to know if I was going to see him again.

“Sean,” I called, stepping forward to get his attention.

He paused, turning with a slight smile on his handsome tanned face. “Yeah?”

“Are you going to be at your parent’s later?”

He grinned and I gulped, knowing I’d been too obvious. “I’ll be there tonight, Angel.” He reached out as if to touch me, and then he was getting into his 4Runner and I had to turn back to the Honda.

Sighing, I got inside the car and looked at the steering wheel. What was wrong with me? I’ve never acted like this before. I’ve met some good--looking men before--but this was crazy! I shook my head, starting the car with too much force, making it grind. I needed to get my head together or I would be sorry. Sean didn’t want some girl he hardly knew drooling over him. I sighed again, pulling out onto the highway. I had never drooled before! I was sick, that was it. I was glad I had time before he came home--maybe I’d have pulled myself together by then.

Chapter 3

The rest of the drive seemed anti-climactic as I drove into Astoria and looked around. The town seemed much the same as I remembered it. The Palmers lived behind Astoria, around the bend so to speak. I realized that the way seemed familiar as I drove down the narrow road with few houses, and came to a stop in front of one that was set back off the road a ways with a large lawn.

The house itself was a log cabin design that Bill Palmer had drawn up and built himself. That was his living--log homes. He had made his own home a showcase of what he could do. He’d made all the wood furniture inside of it as well.

As I gazed at it, I remembered my parents had a huge four poster bed with 10 inch wide turned posts he had made for them. I looked down at my hands, remembering sitting on that bed and talking to them about my dates, or what they were planning on doing that day. Now the bed was in storage, and I realized I felt like I had been in emotional storage until the Palmer’s had sent the letter.

Someone had opened the door and I sensed I was afraid of what was inside. I wasn’t sure I wanted to come out where I could be hurt again.

I started the car and turned down into the driveway to the garage and turned it off. The peace and quiet enveloped me like an old friend. I had always felt like they lived in their own private forest. They were surrounded on all sides by fern and thick pine trees. The birds calling loudly was the only sound.

“Oh boy,” I said out loud, getting out of the car and leaning on the roof. “This is home.”

Suddenly I heard a screen door slam and a woman in her late 50's, wearing an apron over slacks and light blue blouse ran out to stand in the walk to the driveway. I turned to look at her, realizing it was Maribel Palmer. She hadn’t gained an ounce since my youthful recollections. Her hair had become more gray than brown, and her face a little more lined, but she still glowed with health and vitality that seemed to rub off on everything around her.

“Mari?” I said softly, not knowing what to do.

She took a couple of steps toward me. “Angela, is that you?”

“Oh Mari!” I came out from behind the car and ran to give her tight hug.

“Angela, it’s so good to see you!” Mari’s voice quivered with emotion. “Let me look at you!”

I stood back so we could get a better look at each other.

“Oh, you’ve grown lovely, my dear!” she said, her expression tender. “I wish your parents were here to see you.”

I gulped, reminded of how often I had come here with them. “I wish they were too.” I realized with a jolt that I hadn’t had anyone to share my grief with. No one who had really known my parents like the Palmers. I felt tears in my eyes and took a shaky breath. This was ridiculous, I felt like a child.

Mari pulled me back into her arms and held my head against her shoulder. “It’s alright, Angela. Go ahead and cry. It will be good for you.”

And at her words, I felt a flood gate open somewhere inside and out came the tears. I hadn’t realized it was still there--the pain, the loneliness, and the sorrow. I didn’t cry for very long before I was able to calm down and relax, letting it slowly seep out of me.

“Coming here was the best idea,” I said brokenly, as I pulled away. “Why did you suggest it?”

Mari smiled and pulled a tissue out of her pocket to hand to me. “I’m not sure exactly, I just knew it was time to end your self imposed exile and come back.”

I smiled back at her. “I didn’t know I was. I didn’t know about anything. I just know I’m home. Thank you so much!”

Mari’s smile seemed to grow. “You’re very welcome. Now, come on in and relax. We have a wonderful weekend planned. After that, you have your choice.”

I chuckled, knowing I was in for a tiring weekend, knowing Mari. As we went inside the cabin-like house, I realized that my sorrow and some of the grief were gone, lightly washed away with the tears.

Inside was much as I had remembered. The walls were all plastered except for the large family room that had the log interior. It was decorated with taste and blending colors. A little bit country, a little bit Colonial, but it mixed well the way she had done it. She led me to the kitchen where it looked like she was in the middle of something.

“I guess I interrupted your baking,” I said, glancing at the flour and other ingredients scattered about the counter.

Mari chuckled. “Now, Angie, since when have you known me not to be baking?”

I laughed and sat down on one of the wood bar stools next to her. “That’s true. It’s too bad your only daughter, if I remember correctly, can’t even mix up a cake from a box.”

Mari made a wry face. “All too true,” she admitted, stirring something in a large bowl with a wooden spoon. “Les has no inclination to be in the kitchen at all.”

I shook my head. “What is Les doing now?”

Mari sighed. “She’s traveling. She doesn’t know what she wants to do. She decided to drive down the coast and end up in San Diego. I asked her to stay home and get a job in Seaside or something, but she felt she needed a break after college and had money saved up, so I couldn’t talk her out of it. She’s an adult now.” Mari paused in her mixing, a wistful expression on her face. “It’s hard to believe my baby is all grown up and graduated from college.”

I smiled. “Just think, your little baby girl will get married soon and have little babies of her own and then you’ll have grandchildren!”

She gasped, in pretend outrage. “Oh no! I’m not old enough to be a grandma!”

I laughed at her expression. “Mari, you’re the youngest mother of adult’s I know!”

She laughed with me. “Oh my, Angie, I have missed you!”

“I’ve miss you too. It’s so good to be here.”

We grinned at each other and then Mari sighed--a relaxed sound--as she stirred what she was making for a minute more before pouring it into a waiting pan. The silence was peaceful and I relished the feeling of being home.

“Do you remember where your room was?” She asked after a moment.

I nodded, smiling fondly at the memory of a small room with a twin bed, a dresser and bookshelves with matching bedspread and curtains.

“Well, why don’t you go and take your stuff up while I finish up here.”

“Okay.” I jumped up and went out to the car to grab one of my cases. I had packed more than I usually did, but I wanted to be prepared. I lugged the first one to the house and up the stairs to the loft area where my room was. I dropped the suitcase on the bed, and sighed.

She hadn’t changed a thing. It looked just as I had remembered. She had changed the curtains and bedspread, but the rest was just the same. I went over to the window and opened it, letting in the cool breeze blowing through the trees. I stepped back and lay down on the bed. It was so good to be back. I couldn’t get over how wonderful it felt.

I closed my eyes and soaked up the feeling of peace and contentment. I hadn’t felt like this in a long time.

Chapter 4

The next thing I knew, I felt something touching my cheek.

“Angel. Angel wake up.”

I didn’t want to wake up. This was the best sleep I’d had in a long time. “No.” I muttered, and rolled over only to find myself pressed against a warm, solid body. My eyes shot open in surprise to see Sean, kneeling next to the bed, a humorous expression on his face. “Oh!” I gasped and sat up straight. “Sean! What are you doing here?”

He smiled lazily, making my heart race even faster. “Mom said she had sent you up to unpack and hadn’t seen you since.” He pointed over to the door. “I brought up your other suitcase.”

“Um, thanks.” I tried to relax and take stock. I couldn’t believe he was so close to me! “That's great. I hadn’t realized how heavy they were.” I sighed, wondering how much of a mess I was. I put a hand up to see how my hair was, and Sean reached over to stop it.

“Don’t,” he said, his voice husky. “It looks fine. You look wonderful. If you always wake up looking like this, your husband is going to be one lucky man.”

I could only gape at him in shock. “Husband?” I looked wonderful? What in the world was he talking about? “I don’t have a husband,” I said inanely, still feeling as if I was missing something.

He smiled, his eyes shining. “I know. But that situation isn’t going to last very long.” He leaned over and touched my flushed cheeks. “I’ll see you downstairs.”

I watched him leave in amazement. What was that all about? I shook my head, trying to clear the last bit of sleep out. Goodness! I hadn’t taken a nap in a long time. I glanced at my watch and groaned. I had been asleep for more than an hour! No wonder Mari had wondered what had happened to me. I stood up and noticed the other suitcase on the floor.

Sean. He sure wasn’t what I would have expected. How come I couldn’t remember meeting him before?

I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror hung over the dresser. As I did, I had to smile wryly. I used to be barely able to see my face when we had first come to visit. Now I could see myself easily and in doing so, I had to shake my head. He thought this was wonderful? My hair was flying away and my face was all flushed from sleep--I looked a mess.

“Oh boy, I think that man needs glasses!” I quickly tamed my hair with a brush, and rubbed my cheeks to try and wake up. I finally felt presentable and went downstairs to hear Sean talking with his mother.

“See what you’ve missed all these years?” Mari was saying in a teasing tone.

I heard a deep sigh. “You’re not kidding, Mom. Her photo doesn’t do her justice. Did she tell you that she had a flat tire on the way here?” I bit my lip as I realized I was eavesdropping.

Good grief! I thought, and walked into the kitchen before I heard anymore.

Mari looked up at me from the pan she was pouring some milk into, her eyes showing concern. “Angie, did you have a flat tire?”

“Oh yes! I forgot to tell you, I was so excited to be here.” I glanced over at Sean who had changed from his work clothes and looked even more handsome in worn blue jeans and white T-shirt.

He smiled at me. “Yeah, she had the guys all drooling and begging to change it for her.”

Now she looked faintly alarmed and I remembered what Sean had said about his parent’s feelings on his working there.

“Yeah. I couldn’t believe it, those poor guys.” I rolled my eyes as I sat down on a barstool. “You’d think they hadn’t seen a girl before.”

Sean chuckled and Mari managed a smile.

“I mean," I continued, picking up an apple on the counter and rolling it between my hands. "all I did was ask who wanted to help me change my tire and the whole group about did back flips to help me.” I shook my head as the situation seemed much funnier now when I looked back on it. Poor Dave had been so relieved!

“That reminds me, how is Dave?” I blurted out before I realized what I was saying.

Sean’s face went blank, and I could have kicked myself.

“Dave?" Mari repeated, her gaze on Sean. "Isn’t that the same young man who got beat up last month?”

“Beat up? Dave got beat up?” I looked at Sean, hoping my dismay was obvious and that I could save the situation. “That poor kid! Having the tire iron fall on his foot must have seemed like the last straw.”

Sean burst out laughing. “You should have seen the look on his face while he tried to keep from swearing,” he said, winking at me.

I hated lying, but I didn’t want to get into deep water before I understood what was going on. I hoped Sean would explain it all later.

“Dave helped you change your tire? How did you know who he was?” Mari pointed the question to me having abandoned her cooking for a moment, hands on her hips, her puzzlement clear.

I sighed inwardly. Oh the tangled web we weave when we first try to deceive, or something like that, I sternly told myself. When would I ever learn to keep my mouth shut?

“I was lucky.” I told her, hoping my tone was light. “Sean happened by at the moment and just grabbed two of them. I didn’t want all of them to come!” I was honestly horrified by that picture.

Mari chuckled. “No, I wouldn’t think so. That brings to mind visions of an army of men picking up a little car to take the wheel off.”

I laughed and glanced at Sean who nodded his head slightly, enabling me to relax. Apparently I had chosen the right direction.

“So,” I said, letting the tension ease with a soft sigh. “Can I help you do anything?”

Mari shook her head. “No, dinner’s almost ready. We’re having what used to be your favorite - Hawaiian Sundays.”

“Oh wow!” I exclaimed, surprised. “I haven’t had that in ages. That will be great.” I stood up, urgently feeling the need to get out of the room. “Well, I think I’ll go for a walk. I still need to wake up a bit. I can’t believe I fell asleep.”

“You probably need it.” Mari stated with a nod, thoroughly involved with her cooking again. “Just run along. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

I grinned at Sean, recognizing that she was speaking to me like she had when I was a kid, before quickly leaving the kitchen. My insides were quaking. Man, what he did to me. Just being in the same room with him turned me to jelly! I decided a brisk walk was in order to see if I could get him out of my system.

Trying not to slam the screen door, I started off down the driveway to the road, walking briskly. I could feel my muscles stretch with the effort. I hadn’t gotten a whole lot of exercise lately, and my body was informing me. Sighing, I slowed down.

I didn’t feel like punishing myself, and I realized I was trying to run away from what Sean. I hadn’t felt anything for a man in a long time - I was a little scared. I had definitely never felt anything like I'd felt while he was around.

“Must be what they mean by chemistry,” I muttered, kicking at the rocks in the road. I looked up at the lush ferns and growth at the side of the road in frustration. “That’s all it is.” And that could really make things messy if he didn't feel any attraction for me. The way I was feeling, even now the butterflies were winding up through my stomach - I wouldn’t be able to stay very long.

I groaned and looked up at the sky. Why in the world did I have to feel this way now for a man I hardly knew? Let alone, so far from home. Everyone knew long distance relationships rarely worked out.

Hearing a car behind me, I got off the road so they wouldn't worry about hitting me. It slowed to right along side me and I turned to see the object of my thoughts in his 4runner.

“Hey, Angel,” he said, his voice stopping all coherent thought. “I’m going into town to get some stuff for mom. Want to come?”

I couldn’t believe this. How was I going to straighten my thoughts out when I couldn’t think? “Sure Sean,” I heard myself saying, stopping so he could pull over. I got in and was reaching to pull my door closed, when his voice stopped me.

“Oh no, you don’t! It would be very hard to explain to mom why you came back with your arm in a cast.”

I gaped at him in confusion as he got out and shut my door. I Looked down at my arm and then at the door, then looked back at him as he got in to started the car. “What do you mean?” I finally said, still confused. “Why would I have my arm in a cast?”

He flashed me a handsome grin. “Because you opened and closed your door one too many times. I’ve broken arms far quicker than this, but I was giving you time to pick up on what was going on. I decided I would rather warn you than break the arm. Broken arms rather complicate vacations a little bit.”

I laughed a little nervously, was he serious?, “You're crazy!” I told him, shaking my head. “I can open my own door!”

“Oh sure,” he nodded in agreement. “But didn’t you know it’s a known scientific fact that opening and closing doors weakens the arm muscles on a woman and strengthens them on a man?”

I laughed, this time in true relief. He was a nut! I felt a warm pleasant feeling come over me at his sense of humor and the fact that he insisted upon being a gentleman.

“Well, I’ll have to keep that in mind.” I said, still smiling. Suddenly I felt wonderful. I was enjoying myself in this man’s company!

“Now let me see,” My own sense of humor was returning from the haze my mind had disappeared to originally when I'd heard his voice. “Does that mean the opposite is true with cabinet doors? Say, in the kitchen?”

“Well,” he drawled, his eyes on the road. “Except of course the refrigerator. That one is equal strength to everybody.”

“I should have known!” I chuckled, putting a hand to my head. “But then, I guess washers and dryers would be the same?”

“Oh no!” was the quick reply. “They’re definitely weakening for the man! I tell you, haven’t you seen some of the weaklings in the Laundromat?”

I laughed again. “You nut!” I said with a smile at him. “Your mom is full of blarney! She says I’m the only one that makes her laugh. That can’t be true with you there.”

He fell suddenly quiet, and I felt that I’d said something wrong. I bit my lip and looked out the window. What had I said?

I heard a deep sigh and a warm strong hand enclosed mine. “I’m sorry, Angel.” he said, and I felt the now familiar melting at the way he shortened my name. “It’s not your fault.” He looked over at me, and I couldn’t say a word. His touch was setting my stomach to flying with butterflies again.

“You see,” he continued, giving my hand a slight squeeze, before letting go. “I haven’t been home much. Actually, when you think about the fact you don’t remember me, you shouldn’t be surprised.”

I thought on that for a moment and then looked at his somber profile. “How old are you?” It was a blunt question, but I figured it was the shortest route to the answer I wanted.

He grinned wryly over at me knowing, I’m sure, what I was asking. “I’m 30. Believe it?”

I chuckled and shook my head. Pretty much what I had thought. “I'm not shocked, I knew you were older than me. Let’s see,” I counted back the years to when I remembered coming to visit his family. “We started coming out here when I was 10 or 11, I think. You were probably in college then.”

He nodded as he pulled into the parking lot of a small grocery store. “You got it. I was 19, in my freshman year at OSU. Your family came out the end of August, I think. I remember meeting your parents and I think running into you as I was going out the door.” He stopped and got out of the car to let me out.

“I can’t believe it,” I said with a laugh. “You remember it?”

“Don’t be too impressed,” he warned me, holding the store door open. “It’s only a vague glance at a little kid who was in my was as I was leaving.” He sighed and led the way to the frozen foods department. “I had gotten real full of myself and couldn’t stand being at home. I was going to be living on campus and going to the U. I was hot stuff. I let my parents know it too.”

“You weren’t the first kid to do that,” I assured him as we glanced at the ice cream.

“No,” he agreed. “But it seemed to last a long time. I haven’t had much to do with my family since then. I guess it’s only been a year or so that I’ve really spent time at home. Out of 10 or so years, that doesn’t amount to much.”

I felt a little stunned, and perhaps chilled by his admission. What had happened to cause his own personal exile? Sean reached into the freezer and grabbed a half gallon of vanilla ice cream. We were silent as we went towards the cashier.

“I guess I’ve shocked you, haven’t I?” Sean said finally as we headed for the car. He sounded remote, as if he had expected me to shy away from him at his disclosure.

Sighing, I shook my head. I wasn’t that shallow. “I think I’m more surprised.” I finally admitted after we were both in the car. “Your family always seemed so happy. The thing is,” and I wondered if this would hurt him, “I had no idea you even existed.”

He stopped at the entrance to the street and looked at me closely. “Really? That’s why you were so confused this afternoon.”

I nodded. “It appeared you knew all about me, and I had no idea who you were.”

Sean chuckled. “Well that’s a twist. Shall I tell you how I know about you?”

I met his glance warily. “I’m not sure I want to be reminded of all my exploits during my teens.”

He grinned. “You forget, I was rarely home during that time, and It wasn’t until two Christmas’s ago that I saw your picture for the first time.”

“Oh!” I gasped softly, remembering which picture that he would have seen. “That would have to be,”

“The one taken with your parents before the accident,” he finished for me, his face showing sympathy.

I looked away, remembering that picture and how carefree I’d been. It had been during my first year of college. What a year that had turned out to be.

Silence reigned in the car for a moment and then I heard him sigh. “I wish I could have been there to help,” he said, his voice deep with remorse.

I smiled weakly, glancing over at him. “It wouldn’t have made much of a difference," I tried to reassure him. "I still didn’t know you.”

“Oh Angel,” he shook his head, his voice husky. “You have been through so much!”

I shrugged, feeling suddenly bleak, all the feelings I'd experienced with his mother earlier back in full force. Why did he care anyway? I’d never really met him before today. The doubts filled me as the emotions waved through me and suddenly I wasn’t sure why I was here. I should never have come to this place which lived and breathed with memories of my parents.

Suddenly I was shaken from my thoughts by the car coming to a squealing stop. I looked out a little wide eyed, realizing we weren’t at the house. I felt the beginnings of panic inside, and watched Sean get out of the car before coming around to open my door. I looked at him blankly, taking in his grim expression.

“Come on,” he said, pulling me out. He kept hold of my hand, leading me to a little grassy area and pulling me down to sit by him. I looked at the quiet beauty around me with dull eyes, wondering if there would ever really be any healing in my heart.

Silently, Sean put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me against him and holding me tight. I felt so numb, it didn't register or surprise me.

“I know you don’t really know me,” he whispered in my ear, his warm breath and soft voice sending chills down my spine. “But I know all my parents knew of you, and I want to know more. I know you’ve had great sadness, but look at the beauty around you.”

He was silent for a few moments, letting the peace and quiet sink in. After a few minutes, he turned me toward him, cupping my face in his large hands. “I feel I have known you forever. Will you accept that I understand how you feel and that I want to ease your pain?”

I looked at him mutely, vaguely able to grasp what he was saying. He wanted to help me?

He shook his head in frustration and pulled me into his arms, holding me so close I could hear his heart beating. I let myself stay in his arms for several minutes, soaking in his warmth and caring - feeling safe for the first time in a long while. It was incredible.

I almost felt like a little girl in my father’s arms. Only, it wasn’t quite the same. The man holding me now was alive and warm and strong. He seemed to be interested in making me happy. It was amazing. I didn’t remember ever feeling like before.

And for the first time, I felt a strange twist in my stomach and a slight feeling of shock. I wanted a man to hold me. I wanted this man to hold me. I knew what he was offering wasn't meant that way - he was showing me that no matter how forbidding life seemed in the future, he wanted to be there for me.

Whimpering softly at the crazy emotions and thoughts going through my head, I put my arms around his waist and held on tight. I was scared and in heaven all at the same time, and I didn’t want it to end.

I was drawn to this man - his warmth and caring was beginning to crack the lonely shell I’d kept around my heart. Gradually, I realized I felt more at peace with things, as well as comforted.

He had wanted me to know him - to understand him. For some reason it was important, and I wanted him to know I accepted him how he was. Before I could say anything, Sean pulled back and caressed my face in his hands.

“Are you okay now, Angel?” His face was solemn and his voice gentle.

I nodded. “Much better. Thank you, Sean. I’m sorry I,”

He put a finger to my lips. “I don’t want to hear it, okay? Let’s just go back. Moms probably starting to worry.”

I nodded and let him lead me back to the car. Boy, what a strange day. Sean probably thought I was the most psycho girl he knew.

He closed my door and went around to get in. As I watched him, a sudden shyness gripped me, and I wondered how to pull myself together. I had things I needed to say to him, but they were all jumbled in my head.

“Angel,” he said softly, reaching over to cover one of my hands with his. “Don’t worry about things. Just enjoy the peace and quiet and sit back. Let’s not complicate things.”

I bit my lip at his astuteness and tried to relax. He was right. I was being too sensitive and the things I had to say could be said later.

It didn’t take long to get back to the house and Mari looked up from where she was sitting in the family room, looking through a magazine.

“There you are!" she said with a relieved smile. "Bill just got home so we’re ready to eat.” She got up and spotted the ice cream. “Oh you did get it! Thanks, Sean.” She gave him a teasing grin. “Where did you go? Seaside?”

We followed her into the kitchen, Sean chuckling along with her.

I was surprised that she hadn’t been worried, and grasped the joke was something about how long we were gone. So much for privacy in a family - everyone always seemed to know everything.

The table was set and she started putting the dinner items out as Bill came in.

“Angie! It's good to see you again, gal!” He scooped me into his arms for a big hug. I hugged him back, glad to see him.

A large muscular man with a tanned, lined face and rich brownish red hair, graying just a little at the sides, he looked just as I’ve always pictured a lumberjack to look. He had actually been a lumberjack long ago, according to the stories he’d told me when I was younger. Apparently that was before he’d met Mari and decided it was too dangerous. That was when he began the woodworking, he was a wizard with wood.

He let me go and held me back to look down at me. “You’ve grown a little since I last saw you.” He commented with a smile. “How have you been?”

I shrugged. “Okay. Just living in Utah.”

He grinned. “Why do you want to stay in that grasshopper infested place?”

I shrugged, trying to remember the reply my father had always given him. This had been their standard greeting since I could remember. “Why you want to stay here growing moss between your toes is beyond me.” I countered, grinning up at him.

He roared with laughter and Mari chuckled as Sean looked confused. I sighed with happiness, glad that some things never changed.

I looked up at Sean as he held my chair out for me. “I can’t believe I remembered that after all this time! “That was what your dad and my dad said every time they met. It was like their ritual greeting.”

“Oh,” he said, understanding dawning. I noticed that he didn’t say much after his dad came in the room. Chewing on my lip thoughtfully, I decided it was because when Bill talked, he tended to bellow. It was rather intimidating and everyone seemed to be quieter around him. I hoped that was it.

After we were all seated, Bill started asking me all sorts of questions about my job and where I lived and what I wanted to do. We were almost halfway through dinner by the time he got to that question, and I about choked on my mouthful of food at the bluntness of it.

“So, are you going to waste the rest of your life typing up figures for someone else or are you going to find yourself a real career?” Bill Palmer was a firm believer in free enterprise. He obviously thought I should start some kind of company on my own.

“What did you have in mind?” I asked dryly after managing to swallow.

“Well, something better than what you’re doing,” he said, stabbing the food on his plate. He munched for a minute and then poked the fork in the air toward me. “What ever happened with your painting?”

I made a face and pushed at the food on my plate. I had hoped he wouldn’t bring that up. Especially with the interest Sean was giving the conversation. “Nothing.” I finally muttered.

“What do you mean, nothing?" he demanded in surprise. "You did some mighty nice paintings when you were here.” He gestured toward the living room. “Why, we’ve had lots of people ask about that painting you did for us in there.”

“Probably wanted to know who made the frame,” I said lowly, uncomfortable with the subject. I really had hoped to avoid this whole situation, but I should have known better. The Palmers weren’t going to let it go, painting had been a large part of my visits before.

“That big picture in the living room?” Sean’s voice broke into the silence, his tone one of surprise. “The one of the beach at Seaside?”

I nodded miserably and Bill waved his fork at his son. “Didn’t you know that was done by her? Well, yes sir! She did that in ‘87. Went down and spent the whole day drawin’ and the next day paintin’. Fastest darn painter I ever saw.” He glanced over at me and I knew a blush was rising. I never felt comfortable with someone praising me.

“What style did you say it was?” he asked, his brows bunched together in concentration. “Naturalist? Where you paint it right there before the light changes, not from a photo? From what I understand, there’s not too many left that do that anymore.”

I shrugged, and felt Sean’s eyes on me. “Well,” he said softly. “That explains a few things.”

“Everyone ready for some desert?” Mari jumped up like she was on a spring and started gathering up dishes.

Both men said yes and I sighed, eyeing my plate. I hadn’t done justice to the Hawaiian Sunday; a wonderful concoction of rice, chicken gravy and toppings you wouldn’t believe, but I didn’t think I could finish it either.

“It sure was fun to have this again, Mari,” I said, standing up to help her.

“What are you doing?” she asked in surprise as followed her into the kitchen. “You get right back there and sit down. This is your first night back, and I didn't plan on you spending it in the kitchen!”

I smiled sheepishly and went back to the table where Bill was telling Sean about the time I had decided to draw a still life of a vase of flowers Mari had sitting on the coffee table with pastels.

“Oh, Bill!” I groaned, mortified at the story and the grin on Sean’s face. “I thought you’d forgotten about that, that was years ago.”

He grinned. “I’ll never forget it!” He handed Mari his plate and sat back in his chair, grinning over at his son who seemed to be soaking in every word of the story. “Here’s this little girl, heart broken because we wouldn’t let her keep her picture.”

“Why not?” Sean wanted to know.

“I had drawn it on the back of some house plans,” I told him with a sigh.

Sean burst out laughing. “Oh no!”

“Oh yes,” Mari said, coming back in with pie and the ice cream we had gotten. “And they were you’re Uncle Jim’s too.” She smiled in recollection as she paused in setting out the plates. “We had a hard time convincing him it wasn’t going to hurt the plans any.”

Sean laughed along with Bill. I had to grin too, remembering all too well how upset I had been. It was pretty humorous now I could look back on it. I’d almost forgotten that incident.

“There now, see?” I said lightly, trying to prove my point. “He wasn’t thrilled with my artwork.”

Mari set the pie down with a thump that made us all jump and glared at me. “What are you saying? That you have no talent?" She shook the pie server at me, and I looked at her in amazement. "You listen to me, Angela Barker; you had better use that pretty head of yours to THINK. You know better.”

She sat down, her lips tight together and her face a little flushed as she cut the pie and started to dish it up.

I was flabbergasted. I’d never seen Mari react to anything like that before. I didn’t want to look at anyone, I was so embarrassed. I hadn’t really meant anything by my joke. The silence seemed to stretch and I bit my lip, mortified to feel tears in my eyes.

This visit just wasn’t going as I'd hoped. I don’t know why I'd thought I could come here and have nothing of the past brought up. It had been totally unrealistic to think so. I sighed, wondering what to say when Sean chuckled, causing us all to look at him. My glance was a bit wary; I wasn’t sure what he was chuckling about.

“So, Mom, which museum had you planned on Angel filling? The Smithsonian?”

“What?” I gasped, trying to understand what he meant.

Mari actually chuckled with him. “Well, no - nothing so grand as that. Maybe just the Portland Art Center or some national exhibit.”

Bill shook his head, obviously relieved that things had lightened up. “You women and your crazy ideas.” He growled before taking a bite of pie.

I glanced at Mari, stunned by what was happening. She smiled gently, and reached over to cover my hand. “I’m sorry, Angie dear. I just had my heart set on you becoming, well, famous! And, well, maybe you’d want someone to manage your shows and stuff." She gave a slight shrug, her cheeks pink with her own embarrassment. "I’m sorry I was so fierce, but I do mean it. You have talent, a gift. You shouldn’t turn it off and hide it. There are so many who would love to share it.”

I gulped and looked at Sean who was somber now, nodding his head slightly in agreement. So - now I was going to need to reevaluate my painting? That was an avenue I hadn’t wanted to explore for years.

I sighed again, and Mari let go of my hand to hand me a plate of pie and ice cream.

“Here, forget all the worries tonight and enjoy the pie. I made it just for you.”

I put the plate down and automatically picked up my fork, but I felt numb. So much had happened in one day, I wasn’t sure I was going to sleep at all. I put a bite of pie in my mouth and had to smile around it. At least one thing always remained a constant. Mari made the best blackberry pie in Astoria.

“Ooh,” I managed to get out after swallowing. “It’s as wonderful as ever!”

“Good!” She said, obviously pleased, and everyone gave the desert their undivided attention. Or I should say almost everyone.

I felt someone looking at me and glanced up to see Sean’s warm blue gaze on me. For some reason the look in those eyes made my knees feel weak, and I was glad to be sitting down.

“So, Angel,” he said, his voice sending the familiar butterflies to my stomach. “Do you have any plans while you are here?”

I shrugged, trying to retain coherent thought. “Not really,” I replied, trying not to stare back at him. Honestly, he had to be the handsomest man I had ever seen. “I had thought I’d like to go to Seaside and down to Tillamook, and maybe go to the falls, but I have loads of time. Why?”

“Well, how would you like to go to Seaside and Tillamook tomorrow? We could make a day of it.”

I gulped, the last bite of pie feeling like it had stuck in my throat. Spend the whole day with this man? I would have to be crazy! “Well sure,” I heard myself saying and panic set in. What was I letting myself in for? “That would be great.”

“We’ve planned a big BBQ for Monday,” Mari said, “won’t that be fun?”

“Oh yes,” I agreed, wondering as I smiled weakly at them if they had my whole vacation planned. “Did you invite all of Astoria?” I added jokingly, and the three of them laughed.

“Heavens no!” She answered, looking startled. “Goodness! Just the neighbors.”

I sighed, glancing over at Sean who was busy finishing his pie. I wasn't sure what I was going to be in for during the next two weeks, but it was certainly nothing I'd planned on.

Chapter 5

The next morning I could have shot myself for agreeing to go - or maybe shoot Sean, since he was the one getting me out of bed at 5 o’clock in the morning. He only gave me a half-hour to get ready! I am not a morning person - my eyelids work better when its midday, actually, but I stumbled out of bed anyway. I had agreed to go after all.

Finally we were on the road in his 4Runner, I was holding a mug of hot cocoa and trying to be excited. I was a little, simply because I was with him. But, it was hard to get my brain to get the message to my body. Sean was smiling an amazingly awake smile at me.

“You’re disgusting,” I muttered, taking a sip of cocoa.

“Why is that?” He asked, showing his surprise.

“You’re happy to be up at o’dark thirty.”

He laughed and turned on the stereo. “Here, listen to some mellow music. This will help you wake up.”

We traveled in pleasant companionship the hour or so it took to get to Seaside. One of the main distinctions the small town had, I suppose, was that it was the end of the Lewis and Clark trail. They also have the friendliest seagulls.

Sean had brought some old bread and we sat on a bench, curled up in a warm blanket, tossing crusts to the birds and watching the beach come to life with the warmth of the sun. It was going to be a beautiful day, and I felt like I was gradually coming to life with the creatures around me. The seagulls were quite daring. One even tried to peck at my shoes!

We spent the morning walking through all the little tourist shops, munching on bagels slathered with cream cheese and drinking juice. I was enchanted with one of the shops that featured blown glass and glass sculptures. There was one that I felt extremely lovely of a delicate rose. The glass had been tinted a shade of pink that made it seem like a frozen flower. I had to buy it.

Sean found a cute one of a angel, and tucked it away in it’s protective wrappings in his large coat pockets before I got a very good look at it. We went back to the car with our purchases, and I realized that I felt relaxed and comfortable in his company. We got back onto the highway and traveled for a while in companionable silence. Then Sean turned to look at me.

“Angel,” he said, his voice hesitating. “Would you be willing to talk about last night?”

My stomach sank to my toes and I wondered why he had brought the topic up. Then I recalled that while we had been walking through the shops in Seaside there had been several galleries as a matter of course, and I had deferred going into any of them. Sean hadn’t said a word, but now he wanted to know.

“I guess not.” I said after a few minutes of desperately trying to think of an alternative. “Why?”

“I’m curious about what happened to make you stop painting. I mean,” he frowned as he concentrated on the traffic. Then he sighed, sounding frustrated. “You apparently had quite a talent going, and now you don’t seem to even miss something that was a part of you for most of your life.” He shook his head. “It’s funny, but my parents never mentioned your painting. It makes me wonder why.”

I chewed on my bottom lip, wondering if I should tell him the whole story, and wondering if he would understand. I wasn’t even sure how I should start. Mari and Bill had kind of found out about my decision to stop painting through due course, but they hadn’t been happy about it. Obviously Mari had hoped I’d changed my mind.

I sighed softly and looked out of the window at the passing pine trees. I was totally at a loss on how to talk to him about this. I hadn’t expected anyone to ask me about it, which I guess was a rather naive thought.

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” Sean said, his voice resigned. “I just want to understand.”

I shook my head. “You didn’t offend me. I was just wondering where to start. I’m not sure I will explain it very well, and I was trying to find the words.”

He glanced at me, his expression open. “Just try.”

I gave a half-hearted grin. “Okay.” I paused to gather my thoughts, still reluctant to open the door to that time - I knew the pain would still be there. “I guess Mari and Bill told you how my parents died?”

He nodded, his eyes on the road. “Yeah, they said they had been killed in a car accident in Utah, a couple years ago now, right?”

I nodded. “Well, the thing was, they were on the road to come see the first real exhibit of my paintings. If they hadn’t been going to see my work, they wouldn’t have been on the road the same time as that drunk.” I had thought I was over my bitterness at the accident, but when I practically spit out the words, I realized I had just buried it all for so long I had forgotten it was there.

I pressed my lips together and stared out the window, blinking at the hot tears running down my cheeks. I still missed them so much! And it was my talent that had brought them to and end. My painting!

Suddenly I realized the car was stopping. Before I could comprehend what was happening, Sean was out of his seat and pulling me out of mine to hold me tightly against him.

“Hush, Angel. Don’t cry so hard!” he whispered, his arms strong and warm around me.

I clung to him, wishing everything could be as it was, and knowing it was all gone. “If they hadn’t been coming, it never would have happened!” I told him in a hoarse whisper. “It’s my fault.”

Sean gasped softly above me, and held me close until I calmed down and the tears dried. I felt weak and drained. I was tired of crying. Sean found some tissue and handed it to me so I could wipe my nose. I was sure I looked quite the picture as he wiped my eyes dry with a gentle hand that almost made me cry again. He was such a gentle person.

He sighed as he finished. “I can’t believe you feel it’s your fault. You can’t blame yourself for their deaths, Angel. Even if they hadn’t been on the road that day, it could have happened another time, another way. It wasn’t your fault the other driver was drunk!”

“You don’t understand!” I cried, grabbing hold of his jacket. “I arranged for the showing! I told them where it was. They almost didn’t go because Dad wasn’t feeling well, but I talked them into it. I was so excited, I couldn’t stand to not have them be there. I talked them into going!”

I must have sounded a little hysterical because Sean leaned back from me and took my face in his hands, his thumbs over my mouth. He made me look him in the face, his expression stern.

“Angela! Listen to me!” his voice was hard, making me look at him with wide eyes. “You did not drive the car that ran into them! You didn’t make your father drive straight through without stopping. You didn’t make him fall asleep at the wheel.”

I let go of his jacked and pushed away, the shock of his words automatically denied. “Fall asleep at the wheel? What are you talking about? A drunk went from his side of the road to theirs and killed them!” I didn’t realize I was yelling until I heard the echo of my voice. I took a gulping breath to calm down and Sean sighed tiredly.

“I really thought you knew the whole story,” he said, running a hand through his hair as I wiped my nose. “I guess you were having a hard enough time dealing with their deaths. My mom and dad were beside themselves too, but they couldn’t stay long enough to do anything after the funeral. Dad had some job he had to finish. He felt so bad they couldn’t stay with you.” He looked out the window for a minute, absently running his hand along my hair.

“Angel, the police told dad that it appeared your father fell asleep at the wheel and drifted over into the drunks lane. If the driver hadn’t been drunk, he would have swerved, and then your parents would have crashed into a mountain on the other side.”

As the horror of his words started to sink in, I knew Bill had decided I couldn’t handle the truth of it then. I was having a hard enough time with it now. I shook my head, still wishing it weren’t so. “My dad fell asleep? My dad never fell asleep while driving!” I put a hand to my eyes, wishing I could get the image of the smashed car into a mountain out of my head.

“I know how hard it is to hear this, but you’ve got to stop blaming yourself!” Sean’s voice over lapped the vision as he tried to calm my terror. “It was your parents choice to be where they were.”

“Then who can I blame?” I lashed out suddenly, wishing there were someone I could pin it on - other than my father. “The drunk who didn’t expect to find a car coming at him? My father’s work that wouldn’t let him take enough time off? My heck, Sean!” I shouted, pounding on his chest. “I can’t take this! There has to be someone to blame!”

Sean grabbed my hands and pulled me to him. “Angel, Angel don’t do this! Stop!” He held me tightly to him as I struggled and then quieted. “You poor girl. You can’t blame anyone. You have to let it go.”

I shook my head, still feeling anger and bitterness inside. “I can’t just let it go. I - I don’t know how.” I took a deep shuddering breath. “How come no one told me before now? Was Bill afraid I wouldn’t handle it?” I hid my face in his shirt. “It just isn’t fair, Sean. I miss them so much!”

“Ah, Angel!” Sean's voice was full of sorrow and emotions I couldn't grasp. His arms tightened to where I almost couldn't breath. "You're breaking my heart!" He stroked my hair and all was silent for a few minutes.

“I know you miss them.” He said after a while. “You always will. But hopefully with time it will get easier. It will be a joy, a fondness to think of them and the times you had together. Not pain. You need to try and let go of it.” He pulled back a little to tilt my face so I could see his. “They are gone. You have to live your life. Hating someone or blaming someone isn’t going to bring them back. Blaming yourself didn’t do any good, did it? All that did was make you lock away your talent for all these years. Your parents would weep if they knew, Angel. They loved your work! My parents love your work, and they love you. Give it back to them.”

I closed my eyes and leaned against him, trying to let the old feelings go. It was so hard to let go - what was I going to do now? Start painting again? Wouldn’t every brush stroke remind me? Could I even do it anymore? It had been so long...

“I don’t know if I can,” I admitted in a small voice. “It’s been too long.”

He sighed against me. “I know. But you have to try. I think your parents are probably begging you to paint. If they could talk to you, I’m sure they would say, “DO IT!”

I smiled faintly at that picture, and tried to relax. Was this one of the reasons I had felt like I needed to come to Astoria? To hear the truth and get back to painting? I wish I knew.

“This is all so much,” I whispered, and he nodded.

“I know. Shall we go on to Tillamook now and get some lunch? I don’t know about you, but tears always make me hungry.”

I laughed weakly as I was sure he intended me to. “Yeah, lets go.”

“Okay.” He squeezed me quickly and then jumped up to help me back into my seat.

I watched him as he pulled the car back into traffic, wondering where he had learned such compassion and empathy. It’s not something one would have expected from a man who hadn’t communicated with his family until a year and a half or so ago. But as we traveled on, I realized my brain was too foggy for much thought, and closed my eyes to rest for a moment. It's amazing how crying wears you out.

After a minute or two Sean put on a music tape and I let the wonderful soft sounds wash over me. It felt like a balm to my sore nerves.

After about an hour, we came to Tillamook - famous on one point for it’s cheese. It’s a nice little coastal town. The people are friendly and they also have some of the best ice cream at the dairy.

We stopped at a nice little place off the main road called the Cove Inn, and went inside to smell the heavenly scents of clam chowder and fresh bread.

“Oh my,” I said, taking a deep breath. “What a wonderful smell!”

Sean smiled. “One of my favorite places.” He led us over to a small table next to a window which overlooked the ocean.

“Oh really - bring many of your dates here do you?” I teased him, knowing he had lightened my mood measurably and wanting to see that smile again.

He cocked an eyebrow at me as he sat down. “No.”

I wanted to ask more, but suddenly decided my teasing was in bad taste. Especially since he was with me and not with another girl.

I looked around at the restaurant, liking it immensely. It was a wonderful nostalgic place, with real shells and starfish caught in old fishing nets hung along the walls. Old snapshots of fishermen by their boats, or holding up a huge prize. The old netted glass candles on the thick wood tables with oilcloth placemats. It wasn’t ordinarily what someone would think romantic, but I found it so.

I turned my gaze back to Sean, the dim interior casting shadows and making his face a little dark. I was glad I knew differently. I put my elbows on the table and rested my chin on my palms. “This is wonderful.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you like it. They have the best seafood. My favorite is the chowder though, and the sourdough bread!”

He rolled his eyes and I laughed just as the waitress came up. A teenager with huge dangling earrings that could have passed for fishing lure and thick dark hair pulled to a one sided ponytail.

“What will it be today, folks?” She asked, her accent a little more East Coast than west.

Sean glanced at me and I smiled. “You decide.”

He grinned and looked back up at the girl. “Two bowls of clam chowder and a loaf of fresh sourdough with butter.” She started to go and he caught her arm. “Oh, and two Ginger beers too.”

She nodded, writing on her pad as she wordlessly went away.

“She sounds like she’s from Long Island or something,” Sean said with a chuckle.

I shrugged, my attention caught by what he'd ordered. I wondered if he planned on getting me drunk. That had been tried before, actually, and failed miserably because I don’t drink. The man had been astonished and didn’t understand it. He’d thought I was a baby. I figured there were lots of things to drink that didn’t smell like someone's urine, and didn’t destroy my brain cells in the process.

“Ginger beer is a wonderful non-alcoholic beverage I acquired a taste for in college. It bites back.” He assured me with a wicked grin, making me laugh.

Then I made a face at him. “I don’t want something that’s going to bite back!”

He chuckled at my words. “Do you like ginger ale?” I nodded. “Then you’ll like this.”

I snorted, highly doubtful.

The waitress returned with two frosty mugs and two bottles, placing them before us. We were pouring the Ginger beer into our mugs when she returned with a large basket of fresh sliced sourdough bread. I paused in my pouring to inhale the wonderful aroma. What a sensory heaven! We both reached for a slice and buttered it before she came back with our large bowls of chowder. It smelled just as wonderful as the bread.

I realized how hungry I was and without another word we dug into our lunch. After almost inhaling my bowl I was able to slow down and I sat back to relax. The sun was glistening off the water outside and I watched the seagulls fly and dip, feeling a little numb around the edges, but much better about things. I had to stop letting myself do an emotional yo-yo when a touchy subject came up. I was going to have a nervous break down if I wasn’t careful.

I buttered another slice of bread and savored the taste as Sean pushed back his empty bowl.

“Man, that stuff gets better every time I eat here,” he said with a contented sigh.

I smiled. “I believe it.” I took another bite of mine, suddenly aware of his gaze on me. Oh boy, my stomach was now full. I had the hardest time eating around him when he looked at me with those warm blue eyes. Oh well, I thought with a sigh, sitting back in my chair. I wouldn’t have to worry about gaining any weight while I was here at this rate.

“So, what do you think of Ginger beer?” He held up his almost empty mug.

I smiled. It was hard to describe the taste other than it was a spicy ginger ale. “I like it,” I admitted. “It seems to grow on you.”

He chuckled before draining his, just as the waitress came with our ticket.

“How are you feeling now?” he asked quietly, as she left, catching me off guard.

I sighed, giving a shrug. “Actually I’m feeling better. You and your family are determined to get me going again, aren’t you?”

Sean smiled, his eyes warm. “What are friends for?”

I grinned, suddenly very glad I had agreed to come.

“Are you finished?” He asked, and I glanced down at my bowl which had a small amount left, knowing I couldn’t hold another bite.

“I’m afraid so,” I admitted, pushing it away.

“Good. Lets go.”

I knew I would always treasure that afternoon among my special memories as Sean took me around the different places of merit, stopping after a while - of course - at the dairy where he bought ice cream cones. I felt like a carefree child again, only I knew it was different. I was with a very handsome man who seemed to let me know at every turn he was interested in me.

We ended the glorious day at Cannon Beach. We walked along the shoreline, finding some shells and starfish, but leaving them there (I didn’t want a suitcase full of that to take home)and then stood hand in hand to watch the sun go down.

I was grateful Sean had reminded me to bring my heavy sweater as we headed back up the beach to the car. The air had become chilly as the sun had disappeared, and we walked quickly to keep warm. We reached the car in no time and were on our way home before I knew it.

“What a marvelous day,” I said with a sigh, leaning back against the headrest. “Thank you for inviting me.” I looked over at him, his face strangely lit by the console lights.

He smiled that smile I was coming to know, and reached out to take hold of my hand. “Thanks for coming.” The way he said it, I felt he meant more than for the day, and my insides went quivery. Not that his touch hadn’t started that on it’s own.

The only problem with modern cars is they don’t let much room for romance. The front seats are too far apart to stay holding hands for very long, so Sean let go and I had to be content with gazing at his profile. I was a goner. Of course, I couldn’t help it, all the charms he had at his disposal, but I knew I was a lost case. I really liked him. I enjoyed his company far more than anyone else’s. He was such a gentleman - I knew even if nothing came of this, I would have new expectations of the next man that came into my life. The only problem was, I couldn’t see that happening. It was like I had known Sean all my life, even though that wasn’t so.

“I wonder what would have happened if we had really met before this,” I murmured, more to myself than to him.

But he heard me. “I don’t know,” he answered slowly. “I don’t think I would have appreciated you very much before now.”

I looked at him somewhat surprised at his soft-spoken words. Appreciated me?

He glanced at me and chuckled at the expression on my face. “Oh Angel,” he said, reaching over to cover one of my hands. “You’re a gem. Yes, I mean appreciate. There’s more to you than your good looks, and probably six years ago I wouldn’t have looked past those eyes of yours.”

I was amazed at his admission as it wasn't the usual guy thing. He was so much what I had always hoped to find. I didn’t think it was possible.

“That’s hard to believe,” I admitted finally. “You’ve changed that much?”

He nodded. “Yep. I told you how I was when I was at college? Well, I was obnoxious all through OSU. Then I graduated and went back east to get my masters.”

I looked at him surprised. “I had no idea, but then, I had no idea who you were anyway,” I reminded myself.

He gave a wry smile and drove on for a while before he continued. “Being back east was a real eye opener. I was miles and miles away from mom and dad, or anyone else who knew me. And,” he sighed, “I discovered I was a nobody. There wasn’t a soul who cared about me.” His face became hard as stone, but his voice was bleak, and I leaned over to touch his arm, making him turn to give me a quick smile.

“I met this girl - Suzette." He shook his head. “What a fool I was. She tore me to shreds.” He went silent again and I wondered if I should say anything.

I couldn’t believe he was telling me this. Well, then, I also had told him things I hadn’t told any one, so maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised. But I knew it was privileged information, and I was nervous as well as anxious about the pain I could hear in his voice. I wanted to take the pain away like he had helped to ease mine.

“I came running home to see if there was anything left in life,” he said, his voice now husky. “I walked in the front room and there was your photo with your parents.” He shook his head. ‘You looked just like your name to me. The sweetest thing to walk the earth, and I hadn’t met you because of my ego.” He sighed and glanced at me. “I couldn’t figure out how to met you. I mean, I knew there were schools - even private schools - in Utah, but I didn’t want to try that yet. Besides, I could just see your reaction if I walked up to your door and said, ‘Hi! You don’t know me, but I know you. Wana go out tonight?’”

I laughed at the absurdity of it before I sensed he was serious. It kind of scared me, how honest he was being. I mean, most men you have to sit on them and put blinders on to get them to talk to you seriously about how they are feeling. Some of them even after months of dating! Of course, I knew my experience was limited in that respect, and that was another cause of my fear. What was I supposed to do now? And what was he leading up to?

I sighed and I guess I was fidgeting a little because he glanced over and took one of my hands to hold it tightly for a moment. “Don’t get nervous,” he said softly, his voice sending a delicious quiver through me. “There’s no reason to worry. We’re just getting to know each other, okay?”

I couldn’t have cared less about what he was saying; his voice was doing such wild things to my insides when combined with his touch. But, I caught the words as well, and nodded my head. I had asked him the questions, didn’t I? I should have kept my mouth shut if I didn’t want to know.

“Actually, maybe it would have been fun to go to your apartment,” he said after a minute, his voice teasing. “It would have been interesting to see the look on your face when I told you I was Sean Palmer.”

I smiled and sat back in my seat. “You would have thought interesting when I slammed the door in your face because I didn’t know who you were.”

“But I would have had flowers!”

“I would have dumped them on your head,” I told him, keeping my voice even.

“And a big box of chocolates!” He glanced at me, his eyes sparkling.

“I might have stomped on the candy.”

“I would have driven up in my black Porsche!” he said desperately.

I laughed and clapped my hands. “Yes! Then I would have let you take me for a ride, no matter who you were!”

Sean laughed and returned his attention to driving. The rest of the ride was silent as we drove to his home.

It had been such a lovely day; I hated to see it end. I didn’t feel like I would never have this opportunity again - I actually felt like this was the beginning of something. However things went, I wanted to relish the peacefulness of the day, the things I had come to understand about myself as well as about Sean.

We pulled into the driveway and Sean turned off the engine but made no move to get out of the car. I looked at him, content to sit, since there was no way I was opening my own door. Finally he turned to face me, and it was hard to see his face by the small light on the porch.

“Angel,” he said softly, “I’ve really enjoyed today.”

I smiled. “So have I. Thanks for everything.”

“You’re welcome.” He leaned forward and pushed a strand of hair out of my face, and my heart stopped and then started again, beating so fast and so loud that I thought for sure he could hear it. He was close enough now that I could see his eyes in the light and they looked violet in the darkness. I felt like I was hypnotized by those warm eyes.

“I have to tell you,” he said softly, his eyes never leaving my face, “I haven’t enjoyed myself this much for a long time. I haven’t enjoyed being with someone for a long time.”

Suddenly his face was very close to mine, and I could feel his breath on my skin, warm and soft. “I’ve missed you, Angel.” His other hand came up so he was cupping my face in both hands. I think if I hadn’t wanted it to happen, I could have pulled away, his touch was very light, but I felt tied to those hands and those eyes.

He lowered his face and I closed my eyes as I felt his lips on mine in a soft feathery kiss. He raised his head a little to see mine, then pulled me closer to kiss me again, this time dropping his hands to my shoulders and they felt warmed by his touch. I had been never been kissed like this in my life. He moved his lips against mine, and I found myself putting my hands around his neck and feeling his hair, which was thick and rich. It was incredible.

Suddenly it was as if our lips were catching up for lost years - it was wild. Before I knew what was happening, Sean pushed me into my seat and was out of the car.

I sat stunned, feeling dazed and trembling with emotions I had never experienced before. I wondered what had happened to Sean, and sat up to look out the window, spotting him standing against the front of the car. I was concerned for him. He didn’t look happy about things, and I wanted him to feel good about kissing me. I certainly felt good about kissing him!

Mindful of his speech on broken arms, I slowly opened the door and climbed out to walk around and look up at him, wondering what he was thinking.

He wouldn’t look at me for a moment, and I felt like a little girl, standing with my arms folded against the chill air and the light breeze blowing my hair.

“I’m sorry, Angel.” He said finally, his voice hoarse. “I’m afraid I got carried away in there.”

I bit my lip, and gave a slight shrug. “I think we both did.” I felt lucky, actually.

With the few men I’d had dates with, those kisses a few minutes ago were mild. I had to fight off more than one who had figured sex was a swell way to end a date. I felt immensely glad Sean hadn’t felt that way, although I’m not sure if I would have been able to say no. It was an eye opener. It’s easy to say no when you’re not involved. It’s a little harder when you’re on fire.

I took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. This had sure been one wild day. This morning I had just been very attracted to this incredible man. Now I had just been very thoroughly kissed by him, just thinking of it caused my toes to curl, and I decided to make my mind blank for a moment so I could concentrate.

“At least you don’t appear angry,” Sean said, after a moment, his tone of voice encouraging.

I smiled. “No, I’m not.”

He sighed, obviously afraid he had offended me. “Good. I - I, it was incredible, Angel.” He looked directly into my eyes, and I caught my breath at the warmth there. I must have stepped closer because I was suddenly in his arms, being held so tightly I almost couldn’t breath.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he said against my hair. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since I woke you up yesterday. You don’t know how close you came to being kissed them.”

“And now?” I asked, my voice so soft I wasn’t sure he heard me.

“I think you enjoyed it. I think the feeling is mutual.” He put a finger under my chin and lifted my face so he could see it more clearly. “What do you think?”

“Oh definitely,” I whispered as his face came closer. I met his kiss halfway this time, anticipation tingling in my veins. How do you describe a kiss? All I know is how his lips felt on mine, and how it felt to be held so closely against him. The blood was singing in my veins.

Suddenly we heard the front door open and broke apart to see Sean’s father peering out. “Sean?”

“Yeah, Dad, it’s us.” Sean’s voice was amazingly steady.

“Okay, we thought we heard you drive up. Some dinner’s left if you want it.”

“Thanks dad,” Sean grabbed hold of my hand and started toward the house.

“That sounds good,” I tried to say, and had to clear my throat. Why was I so nervous about his parents seeing us kiss? Or was it just being caught unaware?

Sean kept hold of my hand as we went into the house, and I wondered what his parents would say. From the conversation I had over heard the night before, it didn’t sound like his mother was against it.

Mari was in her robe and was sitting in a large chair with a book. “Hi kids,” she said brightly, glancing up. "Dinner’s in the oven. Sean said he planned on being back for dinner, so I kept some for you.”

“Thanks Mari,” I followed Sean to the kitchen, not sure I could eat anything, but at least I could pretend. Sean didn’t seem that interested in eating either until he looked in the oven.

“Wow, Mom really went all out,” he said as he pulled the casserole dish out.

I glanced over to see what it was. Baked Salmon? I looked at Sean, and he grinned.

“I’ll eat yours if you’re not interested,” he volunteered, walking to the table.

“Why?” I asked, following behind.

“This is my favorite dish,” he answered, setting the dish down on a hot pad and going to get some plates. “Mom usually only makes it for me, since I seem to be the only one who really likes it.”

I smiled and shook my head. “In Salmon country?”

“Oh, everyone else likes the smoked Salmon and stuff. Uncle Jack makes a real mean smoked Salmon. But, for some reason, I’m the only one that likes this version of baked Salmon.” He held out a forkful for me and I took the bite, trying not to look skeptical. I’m not a real big Salmon fan, but it wasn’t bad, actually. I was surprised.

Sean laughed out loud at the expression on my face, and slapped the table, he was so excited. “I’ve done it!” He shouted. “I’ve found her! The girl of my dreams!”

Mari came running in, startled by his shouting. “What’s happening?” She looked from Sean to me and back to Sean. He was still laughing and I shrugged, pulling my plate over.

“I don’t have the foggiest,” I replied as Bill came in, wondering about the commotion going on in the kitchen.

Sean calmed down and put an arm around Mari’s waist, pulling her over to give her a hug. Bill rolled his eyes and left the room, seeing there was no emergency.

“Just what I said, Mom! I’ve found the woman of my dreams! Someone that likes your Salmon surprise as much as I do.”

“Oh my,” Mari grinned as she looked over at me. “You really do?”

“Well, yes,” I said, pausing mid bite. “Why is that so odd? It’s wonderful.”

Mari chuckled and returned her son’s hug. “You’re right honey. Marry her while you’ve got her under the spell!”

I made a face as she left to tell Bill and Sean laughed and shook his head.

“We’re not all crazy, Angel.” He gave me a look that melted my bones and I quickly looked away so I could eat.

We finished our dinner in companionable silence, and I pushed away from my empty plate with a stifled yawn.

“Well, this morning was too early, so I’m off to bed. Thanks for a wonderful day, Sean.” I got up and put my plate in the sink and went to go by him, but he stood up, blocking my way.

“Night, Angel,” he said softly, pulling me into his arms. “Sweet dreams.” He bent down and kissed me very thoroughly before letting go and pointing me in the direction of the stairs.

Oh boy, I thought, going up to my room. I’m supposed to sleep after that? I got ready for bed in a daze, wondering what in the world was happening to me. I felt like a teenager with a crush on someone who had just touched my hand! I sighed and got into bed. Tomorrow was going to be very interesting. Very interesting indeed.

Chapter 6

The next morning I even managed to crawl out of bed by 9 a.m. They were already eating breakfast by the time I was showered and dressed, but I remembered Sunday’s to be rather lazy at the Palmer household. I sat down at the large wood table, running a hand through my still damp hair.

“Good morning!” Mari greeted me as she came out of the kitchen with a fresh plate of pancakes.

“Good morning.” I smiled up at her. “Boy does this smell good.”

She grinned and sat down next to Bill who was finishing a bite. “How’d you sleep?” She asked, handing me the jug of syrup.

“Great,” I poured the homemade sauce over my pancakes with relish. “It was the best nights rest I’ve gotten in a long time, believe it or not.”

“Good,” boomed Bill, his mouth now empty. “You needed our good fresh sea air to energize you, girl.”

I laughed at the sparkle in his eyes, so like his son’s. “Don’t give me that. The Great Salt Lake can stink just as bad as your ocean!”

Bill laughed just as Sean walked in. I knew then that last night had been no dream. He was looking handsome as ever in a pare of snug (I do mean snug) acid washed jeans and a T-shirt advertising Mt. Hood that fit in all the right places.

“It may smell as bad,” Sean teased as he sat down next to me, totally wiping out my appetite, “But it’s not as beautiful.”

I forced my brain to stay in gear. "It is so!" I argued. "We have gorgeous sunsets."

He shook his head as he poured me a glass of the orange juice he'd brought in before pouring himself one. “So, you’re all rested up, huh?” I nodded as I took a sip of juice. “Good.” He glanced up at Mari. “She ought to be up for our plans of the day.”

I looked over at her in surprise. “Plans? What’s up for today?” At least the orange juice reawakened my appetite. I dug into the pancakes while I waited for her answer.

“We thought we would drive along the Columbia River Gorge today.”

I stopped chewing and looked over at Sean who grinned. “Feel up to more sight seeing?”

I nodded and looked over at Mari and Bill. “Are you two going?” I was surprised, Mari and Bill had never been ones for doing sight seeing when I'd come before.

“Why yes, dear,” Mari seemed just as surprised at my question.

“'Bout time we went and saw the falls again,” Bill said gruffly.

“We thought we’d take a picnic lunch to eat at the falls,” Mari added, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. “And then have dinner at the restaurant by the locks.”

“That will be great!” I said, trying to swallow. “What a perfect day for it!”

And it was. Little fluffy white clouds in a gorgeous blue sky. It was a wonderful August day. I couldn’t believe how fun it was to walk along with Sean and his parents, taking pictures from the road stops. It was fun to be at Crown Point again and see the view of Washington, and Mt. St. Helen’s.

Sean and I stood for a moment at the rock half-wall, gazing into the hazy horizon where the mountains gleamed.

"I love this view." I said softly, leaning back against his firm chest. "It's almost as if you can see forever."

His arms slid around and held me there, his chin on my head. He didn't say anything - simply held me tight as we gazed before his parents called that it was time to go. It was a moment that made my heart feel as if it could accept things - I'd never felt so comfortable with a man before. Sighing with regret over having to leave this wonderful view, I turned in his arms, and he kissed me quickly before we headed off to the car.

We didn’t stop too many places so we could get to Multnomah Falls. I hoped I was up to the hike. I hadn’t gone to the top since I was a kid, and I had run half the way then.

Multnomah Falls is one of the most gorgeous places on the earth, I think, but then I'm prejudiced. It’s set back from the road, although one can see it from the freeway. Surrounded by lush green trees, ferns and plants, it's a tropical forest available for all.

We parked off to the side where parking was allowed, and got out the picnic stuff to carry up. I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it, when Sean’s parents took off at a steady walk up the beginning of the trail. I was kind of hoping we would go up to the top and then come back down in the basket to get the lunch. But they each had a handle of the picnic basket in hand, leaving Sean and I with a backpack full of stuff which he promptly commandeered and flung over his shoulder.

The trail is wide enough most of the time for a car to traverse, but no cars are allowed - It’s only for nature lovers. At various spots along the switch back trail you can see Washington State and Mount St. Helen’s. It’s a wonderful hike.

At first Sean and I kept up with his parents, keeping up a conversation about old times. Then, as we were about half way up the switchbacks, Sean took hold of my hand and pulled me back.

“Mind if we talk, Angel?” He asked, walking slower.

Actually, I was glad to slow down a little. My legs were telling me torture would be kinder. “Sure,” I was enjoying the feel of his hand in mine.

We walked on for a minute, and I glanced at him to see a look of concentration on his face. “Is something wrong?” I wondered what took such thought.

He grinned over at me, and I felt warm all over. He was so handsome!

“No, nothings wrong," he assured me. "I just wanted to talk to you about some things. For one, I really did enjoy yesterday, and last night.”

His hand squeezed mine and I was reminded of our kisses - this morning's kiss having brought all the feelings back from that touch.

Oh boy, I thought, my knees going weak, I’ll never make to make it to the top at this rate!

“I’ve had more fun today than I remember having in a long time,” he continued. “This may sound funny, but it's even been fun with my parents. For some reason, we get along so well now, I feel more like an equal - although they’re still Mom and Dad.”

I smiled. “That’s neat, Sean. I’m sure they're glad to have you home.”

He shrugged, glancing out over the river. “Um, well, the reason I wanted to talk was - well, I wanted to ask you on a date, sort of.”

I stopped in the middle of the path to stare at him and then gulped as we shifted to one side, letting some hikers go past us. Why did that surprise me? Yesterday had pretty much been a date. I guess I just thought dates were more formal than the relationship we seemed to be building.

I started walking again, a little pink in the face--I could feel it.

“I guess that surprised you a little, didn’t it?” Sean stated dryly.

I nodded. “Yeah - but I don’t know why it should have. What did you have in mind?”

“Wednesday is a talent show at the school. I’d like to take you.” He sounded like it was no big deal, but I remembered suddenly that he’d had that disastrous relationship back east. That had been one of his reasons for coming home. So, he probably hadn’t dated much since he’d been home, if at all. I realized that this was probably difficult for him.

Smiling, I tried to ease his fears. “I’d love to go.”

He sighed and turned to smile at me, his clear blue eyes warming me to my toes. “I’m so glad you came back!”

I hoped he could see how I felt as clearly as I could see his - because I felt the same way he did. I really liked him.

He intertwined his fingers in mine and we continued our hike up the trail. We went a little slower now because it was beginning the steeper part of the trail.

“There is one slight problem,” Sean said after a minute, his voice hesitant.

“What’s that?”

“I have already asked my parents to go.” His tone of voice indicated his thoughts on that, and I laughed.

“Oh, that’s okay, we could probably use a chaperone.”

Sean laughed hard at that, pulling me close to give me a brief hug and even briefer kiss. “You’re probably right,” he agreed. “Especially after last night.”

That reminded me of something I wanted to tell him, and I bit my lip before I pulled on his arm to get him to look at me. “I want you to know,” I said hesitantly, “I - I don’t normally kiss the first night I go out with anyone.”

Sean stopped and looked at me, his expression somber, obviously realizing I was serious. He stepped close and touched my face with his other hand.

“I never thought anything like that,” he admitted softly. “I just couldn’t help myself.”

I smiled weakly, feeling ready to collapse at his touch. “I just wanted you to know.”

His face eased into his wonderful smile, and he pulled on my hand. “C’mon, let’s catch up with the “Old folks!” He laughed, shaking his head. “We’re not going to hear the end this.”

I grinned as I looked how far ahead they had gotten. “I don't think they'll be too hard on us,” I assured him, and he smiled wryly.

“That’s not the half of it,” he said under his breath.

I glanced over at him, not sure I had been meant to hear. “What do you mean?”

“Oh,” he looked over at me, realizing I had heard. The look on his face was suddenly unreadable, and I wondered what was going on in that head of his. More secrets? How many could he have?

He took so long to answer, that I'd decided he was going to drop it. Perhaps he would tell me later, when he was ready.

“My parents have been after me to get married again.” He dropped the bombshell without any preamble, and I stopped in my tracks, not caring who I was blocking on the trail.

“Married?” I gasped, staring at him in disbelief. Then, it all clicked into place. The girl from back east hadn’t just been a fling - she had been his wife, and the divorce had torn him up. It put the night before in a different perspective. No wonder he had left the car - after once having the freedom of intimacy in marriage, it must have been hard to try and resist it.

“Wow.” I didn't know what to say. My feelings floundered around as I wondered why he hadn't felt able to mention it earlier, or why no one else had mentioned it. Perhaps it just wasn't quite the intro material - 'hey, by the way, my son was married but now he's divorced and available?'

Feeling my heart settle with the knowledge he was trying to get things out in the open now, I searched his handsome face. He looked wary and the expression on his face was bleak.

“She was you’re wife," I said slowly, looking down at his left hand which I was holding. There was no mark - no indication there had ever been a ring there. "Why didn’t you want to tell me?”

He looked up the path and we started walking again. I squeezed his hand, wanting to reassure him I was wasn't angry and wanted to listen. “It’s been hard, you know?” He glanced over at me and then away. “When I mentioned it to other women, they ran in the other direction. It seemed as if they all felt it was something I’d done, not my ex-wife.”

He took a shaky breath. “I got home and had no interest in dating. My parents tried to be patient, but they also felt if I could just meet the right person the pain would fade away. They kept telling me it would ease the wounds and stuff.” He shrugged lightly and kept striding on. “I just wasn’t able to make myself be interested in anyone since Suzette.”

I made a face as I stomped up the path beside him. If I ever meet that woman, I thought angrily, and then had to laugh at myself. When did I think that was ever going to happen? How often did I go back east?

Sighing softly, I looked at the haggard expression on the man next to me. He had opened up to me in such little time. How could he have been so sure of my reaction? To have no faith in women when he came back, when so many of them have preconceived notions of divorced men - it was simply astounding he'd been willing to talk to me.

I guess at one time I might have felt the same way as those women - but that was before Sean. Since last night, I seemed to have lost all perspective on that score.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said finally, and he squeezed my hand in response, and that was all we needed to say for now.

We caught up with his parents at the top of the trail and enjoyed the view for a while. I took some more pictures and then we decided to find a place to eat. We had a wonderfully lazy afternoon, eating, talking, and Sean and I gazing at each other.

I was sure his parents found this very humorous, but I couldn’t help it. I was drawn to him unlike any other man I had ever known - the cliche 'a moth to the flame'. He seemed to have the same interests I did, and we could talk about everything. I’ve never been able to talk this freely with a man.

I caught Bill observing us with a twinkle in his eyes a couple of times, and I sighed. I don’t know why it should make me feel the need to blush, but I knew it was going to show up anytime.

Although we were talking about pretty much anything, Sean seemed determined to keep the subjects light and non-conflict inducing. His parents didn’t seem to be disposed to anything else, and it was a delightful day. I realized as I helped pack the lunch away that I had been wound up so tight I hadn’t been able to breathe. I remembered again that this was the first vacation I'd taken in a long time, I hadn't realized how much I needed one.

Looking over at Sean as he shouldered the pack, I realized that I hadn’t experienced a serious relationship in a while either. I think I had been avoiding them. Sean was like a breath of spring air after a stale winter.

He smiled at me and held out his hand, and I slipped mine into it, feeling the familiar shiver of excitement at his touch. I was beginning to wish I didn’t have to go back to Utah.

I could tell Bill and Mari were beginning to tire, the chatter and joking had basically stopped and she was leaning rather heavily on him. Glancing at Sean, I saw that he agreed with me - it was a good thing we had decided to go down in the basket. We walked slowly to the car and loaded everything back up. Everyone was ready to sit for a while. We drove out to the locks and strolled along them for awhile until Bill voiced the thought that his stomach was going to eat itself.

We all laughed at that and trouped into the restaurant he had been telling me about all day. Bill may have been a lumberjack in his youth, but he was still a fish lover and fished every opportunity he could.

I mean big fish, the kind you find out in the ocean. He and a friend owned a fishing boat and would go out to catch sturgeon and tuna and stuff. He would catch Salmon once in a while, but that was too tame for him. Because of that interest, he loved this restaurant at the locks. Apparently once in a while you could see Salmon going over it during the Salmon runs.

He also like watching the boats, or I should say Barges, go through the locks. I remember him taking me here when I was little and being fascinated with the huge freighters that came through. He hadn't changed.

The waiter seated us and we all looked at our menus and chatted about the day. I was so relaxed, I didn’t feel like the same person who had gotten up that morning. Yet, it seemed as if I was finely tuned to Sean’s every move, the tone of his voice, every look on his face.

I'm going crazy, I thought in the back of my mind, and wished I had someone I could talk to about what was happening. Was it too fast? Was Sean expecting too much of me? I sighed and put my menu down, knowing it wouldn’t really matter what I ordered, my stomach was in knots again, as it always seemed to flip flop around this man.

On top of that, I wasn’t sure what I could bring up for conversation any more. We had pretty much covered everything I could think of with the exception of where Sean worked, and he had told me that was taboo.

I glanced over at Sean who chose that moment to give me a look that melted my insides. Those eyes of his...

We were all pretty quiet while the waitress came and took our orders, but there was tension building and I felt as if something was going to explode. Right then Bill cleared his throat and fixed his gaze on Sean. Mari had been saying something about the BBQ they were having Monday, but I figured she realized none of us were listening when she quieted at Bills non-to-subtle hint.

Bill looked as if he had been thinking something over and had decided that it was time to get it out in the open.
“Sean,” he began, keeping his voice to a low rumble in the restaurant. “I understand you’ve been having some drug problems over at the school.”

I bit my lip, dismayed that it had come out in the open. Sean had told me this was a sore subject - hadn’t we been avoiding it all day?

“Yeah,” Sean admitted, his tone even, his face showing resignation at having the subject come up.

“Do you know the boy?” Bill’s expression was hard.

I shivered a little and turned to look out of the window. Why I was so uncomfortable with this confrontation, I couldn’t quite decide. But, I couldn't keep the little thought from popping into my head - did it have something to do with what happened to Dave?

Sean shook his head. “No, it wasn’t any of my students. I guess the big fuss was someone had tipped off the authorities, and that’s why it was found. It’s all of a sudden drugs now,” he added, sounding frustrated. “We haven’t had drug problems before this year. It’s been a source of pride for the school, you know, a big PR for them that they could boast about. But this year,” he shook his head, fingering his fork. “Since February we have had four different drug busts and they have been large - big enough to dope up the whole school. The administration’s very edgy and the parents are getting uptight. They want to know what's being done. Many of them have been threatening to withdraw their sons. It's become really tense."

I gasped at the information. “That much? So someone must be trying to start a ring! Have they discovered anything?”

Sean shook his head and Bill shook his, his disapproval obvious. “It makes me nervous, son.” He looked down at his glass of water he’d been holding as if he wished it were something stronger. "I talked to Shirley the other day and he says there has been a real uprise in usage in Astoria. I feel somehow that it’s connected.”

Sean frowned as they brought our salads. I glanced nervously at Mari, realizing she was being really quiet. It looked like she was trying to avoid hearing anything that was said. It made me wonder how many times they had been through this, and how it usually ended for her to have a turtle perspective.

“C’mon, Dad,” Sean started as soon as the waitress left, sounding a little angry. “I can see why you’d think that, but what else can we do? Haven’t the police been watching the entrances of Astoria real close? Don’t they pick up people who hang around street corners? The school is inside Astoria boundaries. Nothing can get in there unless it’s smuggled, and that could happen anywhere. Family members come all the time and friends too, you know.”

"I know that," Bill admitted, stabbing at his salad and taking a bite. "But I still say there has to be something more to this. I think you know more than you're telling us, maybe to keep us from worrying - I don't know. I also say where there's drugs, there's crime." He pointed his fork at Sean. "Just look at what happened at OSU last year."

I looked questioningly at Sean and he gave me a weak attempt at a smile. “There was a large crime operation uncovered there last year. But the students they busted said they weren’t the leaders!" he directed this last bit at his father. "Someone back east was getting the stuff to them, and taking the goods that were stolen. They were smuggling the stuff in and out in cars. Under the seats, in the wheel hubs, etc. Pretty professional for little town business.”

“Yeah, and one of the teachers got shot while trying to uncover the thing,” Bill inserted, attacking his salad again. That's why he's worked up, I thought with dismay. The whole reason for his fear - Sean's safety. I had never seen Bill this upset.

“Now Bill,” Mari finally interjected herself with a reluctant sigh as she picked at her salad. “I asked you to wait till you could talk to Sean by yourself. There’s no reason to put Angie through this.”

Bill frowned and thankfully the waitress came at that point with our dinners. I wasn't very hungry anymore, and looking around I could tell no one else was either. I sighed inwardly, wondering how this was going to play out. Obviously this was an on-going conversation, one that never seemed to have a conclusion.

Mari was a sweetheart to try and keep me out of it, but the way things seemed to be going between Sean and I, that wasn't going to work. I looked down at my plate of pasta and shrimp, wondering if I was going to be able to do it justice. The joy had simply gone out of the day with the talk of violence and crime. I didn't know how cops lived from day to day - dealing with it all the time. And Sean...

I glanced over at him, watching as he picked at his own dinner, the look on his face one of frustration and weariness. He wished he could do something about it too, I could tell. But how do you go about getting a new job when you're trying to build up tenure?

Sighing, I took a sip of water. This was not the kind of information I wanted to know, but it was out now.
Question was, what was Sean going to do about it?

“I noticed that the paint is peeling on the shed out back the other day,” Mari said suddenly. “I think we’d better get it painted before winter, or it’s going to be shambles by spring.”

Bill grunted.

“Too bad I didn’t think to do it before Angie got here,” she continued, ignoring his lack of response. “Then it would be done in time for the BBQ tomorrow.”

I intently studied my plate at that last sentence, not entirely comfortable with a BBQ in my honor - especially with all I'd found out about the problems with Sean's work. Not only did I feel this wasn't the right time, but I didn't remember any of the people around here. It wasn't like I was moving in or anything. It was going to be terribly uncomfortable. The only saving grace I could think of was Sean would be there. Thinking of him made me look up and discover he was looking at me.

The expression on his face was unreadable, but the warmth in those blue eyes wasn’t. All the conflict and confusion was wiped away at the look in those eyes and it made me catch my breath and hold it before I knew what I was doing.

Bill had finally given into Mari's attempts to talk about something else, and they continued to talk while Sean and I gazed at each other. “It’s been a fun day,” I said softly. He nodded, reaching under the table to lay his hand on my leg.

“Especially since you were with us,” he clarified, his voice low. “I’m glad you’re here, Angel.”

I swallowed against the emotions filling me. I had never felt this way before. Just hearing his voice sent my blood racing. “I-I’m glad I’m here too.” I reached under the table and put my hand on top of his.

We finally finished dinner and headed back to Astoria. It was a quiet trip as everyone appeared to be talked out and tired from the day’s activities. I was able to sit in the back with Sean, and enjoyed leaning next to him, his arm warm around my shoulders. I felt drained by the events of the day. One on hand, I wished I could do something to help Sean and his father, but on the other, I wasn’t sure there was anything I could do, or if I should try.

We arrived back at the house at about 9 p.m. the sun starting to set in a blaze of glory and I sat up reluctantly. Sean shifted and said something under his breath before he abruptly got out of the car, leaving me behind. Surprised by his actions, (I fully remembered the arm breaking routine) I slowly opened the door to see what was happening. Sean was standing by his car, then suddenly his fist hit the hood, followed by a string of words said softly but forcibly enough that I could still decipher their meaning - his face tight with anger. I went quickly to his side, tentatively touching his arm.

“Sean, what’s wrong?” I looked down at the ground where he was looking and realized what had upset him. Someone had slashed all of his tires and all were now flat - the car resting on the rims. I had never seen it done before, and it seemed brutal with the ragged edges of the slash marks showing.

“Someone slashed my tires.” His voice was full of the anger and frustration he'd expressed earlier, along with a tint of disbelief. He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. “Dad is just going to love this.”

I bit my lip and turned to see his father come over from the car. I was afraid Sean was right. After the conversation they had just had at dinner, here was physical proof of his father’s worries.

“What’s wrong, Son?” Bill asked as he came to a stop next to me. “What the...” he broke off as he observed the damage.

“Yeah.” Sean’s face was tight, showing hard planes in the fading sun. “Guess you had it right after all.”

I gasped at the bitterness in his voice and he gave me a brief glance before he turned and walked into the house, Mari following after him - calling his name.

I stood numbly and stared at the tires, visual signs of the disagreement. I was a little shocked and dismayed by Sean’s reaction. I wished I knew what to say, but I didn’t - I felt completely useless.

Bill was silent as he surveyed the tires. “Well, I guess I’d better go call Shirley,” he muttered. “Come inside, Angie.” Turning, he headed toward the house. “There’s nothing to be done out here.”

I nodded and slowly followed him. Sean was already on the phone to the police and Mari was hovering near by.

“Oh, Bill!” She grabbed hold of his arm. “Why would someone want to do that to Sean? He’s never harmed anyone!”

“Maybe someone from the school.” Bill voice was full of anger and worry.

“Probably was someone from the school,” Sean said as he got off the phone. “They could have done it anytime today.”

Bill shook his head, his face suffusing with color. “What is going on there, Sean?” he demanded, folding his strong arms across his broad chest. “What are you involved in?”

“I’m not involved with anything, Dad!” Sean shot back angrily. “It just happens that one of the boys came to me when he found out about the drugs, and they fingered him.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. His anger seemed to soften with the released breath and he shook his head. “"Someone has probably found out I'm working with the school administration and the police and are trying to send me a message. I’m not sure.” He gave a weak shrug. “Shirley said he’d send someone over in the morning.”

“Is it going to stop there?” Bill bellowed at his loudest, flinging his arms out wide. "Are they going to stop with giving you a warning? Or are you going to end up dead?"

I stepped back, afraid of the anger and frustration I heard in his voice. Surely this wouldn't get physical, would it? Father against son?

“I don’t know, Dad.” Sean's quiet statement seemed to check Bill's anger. I was amazed at his control. I could see his cheek muscles twitching while he tried to keep a lid on his own anger - watching the emotions on his father's face.

Bill instantly deflated, and he shook his head, giving a deep sigh. Finally after they looked at each other for a few minutes and both faces showed signs of calming – he put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “Look, Sean, I’m just worried for you! I can’t seem to do anything to protect you anymore.”

Sean nodded and gripped his dad’s shoulder, pulling them together. “I know, Dad. I know. I wish I knew what to do, but we’ll have to wait it out. Okay?”

Bill nodded and they squeezed each other’s shoulders before pulling apart. I was impressed. I wondered if this was an example of what had come out of their reunion. What had happened through all Sean had been through.

Bill took Mari into the kitchen and I stood with my arms clutched tightly together across my chest, watching Sean, wondering what he was going to do now.

“Are you going to work tomorrow?” I ventured softly after a few minutes of silence.

He sighed a