Astounding Return

There is supposedly an ages old battle of the sexes. Quite often we all have a hard time understanding the opposite sex. As an example, when a woman looks at a catalog, she says, “These are nice dresses, don’t you think?” and Robert groans an assenting approval from behind his newspaper and all is well—for the time being.

When a man looks at a catalog, he says, “Wow! I need to get me one of these babies! 954 H.P. and 163,000 foot-pounds of torque! Man, Oh, Man!” and all the while he is drooling like a bulldog. She just stares at him and shakes her head in stunned and genuine disbelief. (By the way, not being the typical male, I barely grasp the idea of what foot-pounds are, let alone why they are to be so highly prized, so I wouldn’t be drooling at this point.)

Now, you ladies might think it’s entirely without hope that you will ever truly communicate with a man. Do not fret. There is actually more that you and he have in common than you might imagine. You just need to find that common ground, if you will. For this, you will need the right catalog.

Victoria’s Secret ought to do it. You’ll soon be asking him, “This is a cute little number, don’t you think?” And he’ll respond enthusiastically, “Yeah—and the lingerie ain’t bad, neither!”—again while drooling like a bulldog. Ladies, just remember that you are making progress—and progress is made a little at a time. Trust me, he will love you for it.

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Well, it’s been a fun walk. I’m tempted to say that this is the end, but knowing me, it’s just the beginning.
(Want to hear something REALLY scary? I‘m considering an audio version of this book. That should keep you awake at nights.)

Thanks for joining me! Let’s do it again sometime soon, shall we?

‘Til we meet again. God bless.

—Steve

Okay, here are a few freebies. Caution: They are really dumb.

What do you get when you dress up Elmer Fudd with a bandana around his head, two fully loaded cartridge bandoliers across his shoulders, a belt full of grenades and an M-16 rifle in his hands? ANSWER: Wambo.

Two men walk into a bar—the third one ducks.
Later, they all turned into a drug store.